School’s out. I’ve got about 10 weeks off. Vacation! You’d think? Rest? Probably not.
Yes, I’m a bit unsettled.
I’m not quite comfortable with where I am right now. I’m about to be a stay-at-home mom for the summer. How in the world do women who do it full-time, all the time, actually do it? During the school year everyday, I drop my daughter off at daycare (which is on the campus of the school where I teach). I teach, discipline (right!), grade papers and tests, attend faculty and departmental meetings, and serve in other functions I’ve assigned myself at the school. Everyday. And when I (and sometimes my husband and I) pick up our daughter, I get to see the wonderful artwork she’s prepared at the hands of her wonderful teacher, get reports on how she never has a potty accident (she has been dry when she wakes up for the past couple of weeks!!!), and watch her run to me screaming because she’s excited to see me everyday when I pick her up after school.
She’s home for the summer. All day. Everyday. What do we do?
Now I not so clueless as not to know. Really. We have story time a couple times a day. I’ve actually decided to lose the 15-20 pounds this summer by taking her with me in the stroller on my walks each morning. But she won’t play with her toys by herself (she is an only child, and there aren’t children her age in the community in which we live, at least not that I’ve identified yet)!!!
So I’ve been researching what type of inexpensive activities are available for a three-year old to partake in. No. Activities I need for her to do outside of the house!!! I’ve got a plan. I may have found a place to take her a few times a week. That might just do it.
So I’m an unsettled mom.
I’m an unsettled teacher. Not particularly satisfied with my teaching this past year. I’ve determined I am going to work over the summer to revise my curricula, prepare in advance (didn’t have a chance to do that last year because I was taking care of my mother before she passed last summer), and be ready when the school year arrives in mid-August. Related to all this, I’ve got to prepare materials for my performance review this fall. Not a good year to do this, since I didn’t have the best of years. But it is giving me an opportunity to reflect a bunch.
I’m an unsettled teacher.
I’ve also decided that I’m going to put together a proposal to publish a supplement for a textbook I use in one of my courses. My first attempt at publishing! But even preparing the proposal seems to be a bit daunting.
I’m an unsettled would-be writer.
Let me not go on, because I’m unsettled in a variety of areas, and it’ll get a bit too personal.
I say all this to say that I’ve not been writing posts because, frankly, I’m unsettled. I’m especially unsettled because I feel my focus is a bit off. My area of specialty is Bible. I study scripture. I teach Old and New Testament. That’s what I do. Yet, I’ve not introduced it much on this blog. Why?
I’m trying to figure that out. I’m not a Bible-thumper. I don’t believe in beating people over the head with it. But I also know that God is real in my life. And I’m currently praying and seeking answers to the unsettledness I feel right now. It’s like I’m not where I’m supposed to be.
And as I read this, the unfocused nature of this post, I see my own unsettledness right before my eyes.
So excuse me as I try to figure it out. Posts will come. But I’m trying to figure out, in my heart, what they’re supposed to be about. What I’m supposed to share. What I am really supposed to communicate here.
Thanks for listening…reading, I should say. Comments are welcomed.