I will resume posting regularly on Tuesday, May 1st. The series Women Who Run With the Wolves will resume on Monday, May 7th. “Friday Favorites” will resume Friday, May 4th.
I remember when I was a teenager, about 13 or 14 years old. I was in our basement singing a song being played on the radio – in falsetto, to be sure. Yet I believed at the time that my voice was so pretty, that I sung every note perfectly. But my older brother Sidney (he passed away in 1999 of an AIDS-related illness) had different thoughts. He yelled down the stairs, “Who’s that singing? It sounds terrible! You can’t sing!”
From that time on, I never sung a song in front of anyone. That bird was caged. Her song shut up in her soul.
Subsequently, when I was in the car with any family member and one of my favorite songs came on the radio, I wouldn’t sing aloud – I might mouth the words, but not actually let a note come out of my mouth. I believed wholeheartedly that when this bird sang, the notes, out of key, were of no value. I believed they were like the sound of fingernails scratching on a chalkboard.
It wasn’t until I was 30 years old that I began to sing aloud – and that was at church. Unless I was in church singing and worshipping along with the congregation, no one ever heard me sing – until I met my husband, Manchild. But mind you, I didn’t meet him until I was 36 years old. So I didn’t sing so that others could hear for over 20 years.
Twenty years. That’s a long time to be unsung.
Yet, it was love that released this bird. God’s unmatchable love.
Sounds nebulous? Cliche-ish?
Yes on both accounts – if you don’t know that God works through people to get his purposes accomplished. And God’s love for me has been manifested through my husband.
I met my husband seven years ago. I tried to shew him away that evening I met him at Border’s Books, but he wasn’t having it. And since then, God has manifested his love through this man in so many ways.
My husband continues to demonstrate a commitment I had never experienced time and time again. At the moment, we are preparing our house to be appraised for a refi (one of the reasons why I haven’t been posting this past week – and thank you, Camille, for checking up on me!). We got started on it a little late, but needless to say, no matter what needs to happen, my husband has bitten then bullet and has done what is necessary to straighten out walls, repair nicks, scrub carpets to remove stains, paint our daughter’s room, pull weeds, redo decks, paint doors and shutters, whatever. It doesn’t matter. While I’m at school, for the amount of time and finances with which we’ve had to work, he’s working at home ensuring our house will put on its best face. And in the process, I’m learning a lot about how to repair and upgrade our home.
My husband has shown me time and time and over and over again that he is a man of integrity, commitment, and loyalty to his wife and daughter. He will sacrifice the shirt off his back to make sure we have what we need. I’ve never experienced that kind of loyalty, and over the years, it’s been difficult to get used to. But more and more, as the years pass by, I see more and more of God’s love in this man. And because of that, I can honestly say I have much to sing about.
God knew what I needed 7 years ago. He sent me a wonderful man who shows me everyday that God loves me, cares for me, and wants the best for me.
God feels the same way about you too. If you’re feeling caged, open up and allow Him to put a song in your heart. He knows just what you need.