I’ve been absent for a bit attempting to figure out what I’m doing and where I’m going. I am understanding that I’m allowing my past to hinder my present.
I’m reading a few books now, including Women Who Run With the Wolves. One that I picked up again (and vow that I will complete next month) is entitled When Your Past Is Hurting Your Present. In it, Sue Augustine begins her first chapter with a quote from an unknown author stating,
“It is not the experience of today that drives us mad; it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday.”
I’ve been dealing with much remorse and bitterness for probably half my life, angry for being used and abused, rejected and abandoned. Interestingly, though, it’s amazing that I could go on for so many years being ignorant of the fact that I was bitter and angry. Yet, until my husband strongly suggested to me I was angry, I didn’t begin to have a clue.
Nonetheless, it’s been a long journey. I get bits and pieces of revelation as I go along. And I recently realized that I’d lost hope. I wasn’t very optimistic about the future. I didn’t really have grand expectations. I wasn’t joyfully anticipating good things to come. In fact, I was really just plodding along. And this type of living, I’ve decided, is not for me.
American author and playwright Jean Kerr once said,
“Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.“
Oh, how this resonated with me! So for those who might be experiencing feelings of hopelessness, know that it’s not over! There’s more on the other side. In fact…
‘Tis better to hope, though clouds hang low,
And keep the eyes uplifted;
For the sweet blue sky will soon peep through,
When the ominous clouds are lifted.
There never was a night without a day
Or an evening without a morning,
And the darkest hour, as the proverb goes,
Is the hour before the dawning.