It’s a Bittersweet Mother’s Day

Today is the first Mother’s Day I will not be celebrating with my Mommy. She passed away last July 26th of cancer at 77. I miss her so much.

Since my mom passed, what most often entered my mind about her is her final days. I frequently think about the pain she endured – in her body and in her mind. Her mind was literally painful to her as she experienced much paranoia and confusion those final weeks. I was with her in the hospital every morning, sometimes in the afternoons, trying to communicate with her as I saw her body go through the stages of shutting down, preparing for transition. And then, I watched her take her last breath. Watched her pass away from me. These thoughts stay with me – I run through them daily.

Yet, I think it’s time for me to consciously think about the fun times I had with my mom and the good qualities she possessed.

  • My mom was feisty! While she was only 5’2″ tall, she could take on anyone, even when she was 60 years old! Literally. (One of her older brothers was an amateur boxer back in the day, and she hung out with him when she was in her heyday!)
  • My mom was generous. If you were a friend or family member in need, she’d find a way to meet that need.
  • My mom was creative! She made the prettiest dresses for me when I was in high school. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute!
  • My mom loved me intensely. She always told the story of how I was a “love baby.” In other words, I was conceived in mad lust!
  • My mom was caring. She was an L.P.N. and worked primarily in small nursing homes. When I was living at home, she’d frequently tell stories of her nursing home “escapades,” making whoever was listening to her stories crack up intensely and wish they were present for the action.
  • My mom was the life of every party! She was the loudest, funniest person present in a room, and once you discovered her, you couldn’t help but to hang out with her. While I’m biased, that’s what other people tell me too!
  • My mom loved her grandchildren. She had four – the oldest is 25, the youngest is going on 3 (my daughter). Oh, how I wished my mom could’ve been with my daughter much more than we could see her.
  • My mom loved to be different – on purpose!

There is so much more that I could talk about. Yet, I won’t. Thank you for indulging me and allowing me to align my thoughts about my mother in a more positive direction.

Now, before I leave y’all, I have a request. If your mother is still living, and you haven’t spoken to her because of some conflict – real or imagined – I’m going to say to you – GET OVER IT!!! Your mother is the ONLY mother you’ll ever have. She gave birth to you. She endured a broken heart because of you more times than you can probably think of. She loved you when you were unloveable. She prayed for you. She thought good thoughts about you. She did the best she could with you.

And if you think she hasn’t done these things – it doesn’t matter. Call you mother TODAY and tell her how much she means to you.

And if you think she doesn’t mean much to you – well, call her anyway and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. She’s waiting to hear from you.

mothers-day.jpg

kwiz-new-1.gif

16 comments

  1. Paula Neal Mooney says:

    Aw man, KWiz – I cried so much yesterday.

    I went to a great Women’s Breakfast down in Cleveland and our speaker Airica Colley, also lost her mom to cancer and spoke of her last days with her and how she wished she had more time to cuddle with her.

    Women sobbed and some had to leave the room but it was so good to hear her speak of her mother’s death, because not enough of us “motherless daughters” talk about it.

    My mother died on October 4, 1999 in her sleep — and I’m grateful for the Grief Recover clases that have helped me tremendously.

    But after she passed, I had this overwhelming urge to sit at her feet and rub lotion on her feet, if only she’d be back on this Earth for 24 hours.

    Over all, I’m glad Mommy’s in heaven.

    I pray you find comfort this Mother’s Day. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman — a lot like my Mommy with the sewing clothes and spicy life!

    It’s okay for us to be both happy and sad today.

    Love and blessings,
    Paula

  2. Anna says:

    KWiz;

    Your mother sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Remember those precious times with her always – it won’t take away the memories you have of her final days, but it will help you get through them a little easier.

    Happy Mother’s day.
    Anna

  3. The New Parent says:

    Hi Kwiz–a very sweet, poignant post. You sound like you had some wonderful respect for her. Currently, my mom is in a dementia unit and I just got off the phone with her. I clicked onto your blog and read your post.

    Thank you for sharing. Happy Mother’s Day to you.

  4. KWiz says:

    Thank you, Paula, for sharing your memories and your thoughts. I know my Mommy is looking down upon us. I hope she is pleased. Happy Mother’s Day!

  5. KWiz says:

    Anna, thank you so much for your comment. It is a little difficult, but thinking about the times she made me laugh helps a bit. Happy Mother’s Day!

  6. KWiz says:

    Thank you, The New Parent. My Mommy was the best! I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. When my mom was paranoid and delusional, it was so painful to me to hear her talk the way she did, but people kept telling me, “That’s not the mom you know.” And I had to keep thinking about that. It didn’t really help me that much, though. I pray God gives you the strength you need, and I pray he gives your mom the peace she needs as well.

  7. The New Parent says:

    Hi Kwiz–thank you for those very kind words. There is a deep sadness that we go through watching our loved ones decline.

    Know my prayers are with you too (smile).

  8. Madena M Burman says:

    I have been gone for awhile…I LOVE your new look:-) Great post about your momma and what a great message for others to forgive, heal, and love:-)

    Love always,
    Madena

  9. KWiz says:

    Madena,
    It’s good to hear from you! Thank you for your comment. And I’m glad you like the look. I’m still experimenting, so we’ll see what I come up with.

  10. Shawn says:

    Thanks for sharing your mom with us. I was raised by my maternal grandmother and she’s not been with me since 1996. I miss her and she sounds a lot like your mom. My mother and I are close now, but it has come through me becoming a better woman and a better mother in my own way. Keep the stories coming! We all need to know the greatness of motherhood.

  11. KWiz says:

    Hi Shawn,
    Thank you for visiting my site. I appreciate your feedback and encouragement! By the way, you’ve got a great site; I just haven’t figured out yet how to send you a general message from your blog indicating so.

  12. styleandsubstance says:

    KWiz,

    I am reading your post one day after my mother was hit by a guy who ran a red light. It messed me up to get to the emergency room to see her in a neck brace AND head brace, knowing that just one hour ago she was working my nerves, calling me to ask what HER cell phone number was. Although she fine (swelling from the seatbelt and her new car totaled that she hadn’t made the first payment on), God shows us how precious each conversation we have with others may be the last.

    So I vow to appreciate her future calls, even when they don’t make sense to me. The fact that she can call me is more important.

Comments are closed.