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Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 2 (Part 1)
By KWiz | March 5, 2007
The Quest for the Wild Woman
As we continue our discussion and reflection of Women Who Run With The Wolves, Dr. Estes begins Chapter 2 entitled “Stalking the Intruder: The Beginning Initiation” by saying,
“In a single human being there are many other beings, all with their own values, motives, and devices.”
These different aspects of who we are, such as “being” insightful, playful, intuitive, inquiring, strong, loyal, adaptive, brave, loving, passionate, can all be hindered by an opposing force – the predator. This predator
“severs the woman from her intuitive nature…leav[ing] the woman deadened in feeling, feeling frail to advance her life; her ideas and dreams lay at her feet…”
To explain the concept of “the predator,” she elicits the story of Bluebeard, which, if you don’t have the book and would like to follow along, can be read here. In her analysis of Bluebeard, she enlightens us, stating that Bluebeard is “…filled with hatred and desires to kill the lights of the psyche.” She further states that this predator is a natural part of who we are, “a derisive and murderous antagonist that is born into us,” but in order for a woman to recapture and retain who she is as “Wild Woman,” we must know and restrain this predator using her intuition. We must, “recognize it…protect ourselves from its devastations…and ultimately…deprive it of its murderous energy.”
Dr. Estes writes that this is a lesson/story that applies not just to the naive woman (represented by the younger sister in Bluebeard) whose intuition is not yet developed, but it also applies to “the older woman who has not yet completely learned to recognize the innate predator.” Whether young or more mature, women need to be taught how to recognize the predator.
Why might it be difficult to recognize the predator for the one who is naive, whether young or older? Basically, according to Dr. Estes, she hasn’t been taught. There was no training during that woman’s youth of the intuitive side of her nature. Her intuition was stifled by not learning to see that which may be harmful. In which case, she is open prey to the predator.
Interestingly, this plays out, often, in a woman’s choice of men, Dr. Estes says. If a woman chooses men who are harmful to her (whether emotionally, physically, or both) over and over again, one can observe that the woman may feel that “if she just holds on…a little longer,…the [feeling of paradise] she seeks will appear in the next heartbeat.” Interestingly enough, her intuition has already sent out “red flags” to let her know that she should not proceed with the relationship. But because she holds out hope, she ignores those big red flags and bright flashing lights that say, “NO! STOP! GO BACK! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!”
Here is another example, that of a woman addicted to drugs:
“…a woman involved in a chemical addiction…has at the back of her mind a set of older sisters who are saying, ‘No! No way! This is bad for the mind and bad for the body. We refuse to continue.’ But the desire to find Paradise draws the woman into the marriage to Bluebeard, the drug dealer of psychic highs.”
Dr. Estes continues by saying,
“Whatever dilemma a woman finds herself in, the voices of the older sisters in her psyche continue to urge her to consciousness and to be wise in her choices. They represent those voices in the back of the mind that whisper the truths that a woman may wish to avoid for they end her fantasy of Paradise Found.”
So how do we, as women, find our way out? How do we recognize and restrain that predator that “mindlessly degrades and destroys a woman’s potential”? The key to transformation is to ask the right questions. As my husband says,
“The better the question, the deeper the understanding.”
But we must recognize that while it may be painful to unlock that door that those questions lead to, we must be willing to push past the pain. We must not be afraid to encounter the pain. We must not be fearful of discovering the worst of what we’ve experienced to encounter the best of who God made us to be. If we don’t do this work, if we do not “look into these issues of [our] own deadness and murder, [we] remain obedient to the dictates of the predator.”
Personally, I can so relate to this chapter. Not by any fault of my parents’, I was not taught what some might feel are the basics of being a woman. In other words, my father didn’t teach me what boys were like, nor did he teach me what to look for in men. He didn’t really even talk to me about them at all. All my mom said all throughout my teenage years is, “Just don’t come home pregnant.” And my parents surely didn’t model what a marriage relationship was supposed to be. But like I said, I don’t blame them for that because they didn’t know. Books about relationships and marriage were not popular with their generation, so they didn’t acquire the knowledge we have at our fingertips today.
So I identify with “the older woman who has not yet completely learned to recognize the innate predator.” This woman, “…has begun the process [of discovery] over and over again but, lacking guidance and support, has not yet finished with it…[yet] are at last readying for a final and decisive battle with it.” Nevertheless, I am ready. Over the past few years, with the support of my husband, I have really been forced to unlock those doors. I have had to take a look back at harmful relationships that I placed myself in while big red flags were waving and bright red lights were flashing inside. I have had to examine how the pain I endured as a result of those relationships seeped into my marriage. I have had to admit that I made some really stupid mistakes because of my ignorance. It sounds kind of stupid, but it’s my reality. But if I don’t take a close look and open myself up for God to do “open heart surgery” within my soul, I will never become what God created me to be.
I mentioned earlier that the right questions need to be asked in order to begin to reclaim who we are, to recognize the predator in our souls. In our next discussion, I’d like to continue with Chapter 2 and explore what those questions are. So stay tuned…
In the meantime, if you’d like, share your experiences with “the predator.”
Article Series - Women Who Run With The Wolves - Reflections
- Reclaiming Ourselves – Women Who Run With The Wolves
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – “Singing Over The Bones” (Introduction)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 1 (Part 1)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 1 (Part 2)
- That Wild Woman! Well…
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 2 (Part 1)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 2 (Part 2)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 2 (Part 3)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 3 (Part 1)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 3 (Part 2)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 3 (Part 3)
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Topics: "Women Who Run With The Wolves", Health and Wellness, Personal Development, Relationships, Spiritual Growth | 6 Comments »
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- That Wild Woman! Well…
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 2 (Part 2)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 3 (Part 1)
- Women Who Run With The Wolves – Chapter 2 (Part 3)
- I am thankful for… INTUITION
March 5th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Oh man, I was just lamenting on the phone to my friend how I totally ignored all the red flags the Holy Spirit was throwing on my play when I married my first husband in Panama City, Florida.
Of course we got divorced.
Thank God for giving me and my current husband a dream, letting us know that we were the people He had in mind for us to marry.
Yes, it’s sooo important to save ourselves heartache by recognizing the predator early and turning away!
March 5th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Hi Paula! The great thing is that God sent you the man He intended you to marry. And it’s great that He gave you a dream, because you both know what you’re working toward and the legacy you want to eventually leave your children.
Thanks!!!
March 6th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Excellent post! This give me very useful food for my own thoughts.
Self-analysis is very difficult and can be extremely painful. I took a personal development course once that drove home to me that ‘fear’ is at the core of practically every challenging issue or relationship.
Thus, I am afraid to look too closely at why I continue to smoke cigarettes.
Actually, when I stopped smoking one, I was startled by all of the ‘break-throughs’ I experienced. There’s lots of painful being suppressed by those cigarettes, and it takes strong will not only to put them down, but to go thru the process of discovering who you’ve been behind that smoke screen.
March 6th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Hi Kweenkong! Thank you for sharing your experiences. Looking within is indeed painful, especially when you see some of the ugly that is within. But it is so worth doing, I think, no matter how long it takes to go through the process.
I pray you are able to kick the smoking habit. I know it’s very difficult to do; my mom stopped smoking when she was in her early 50s, and she actually did it cold turkey, but it wasn’t easy for her. She died last July of lung cancer (we think it was because of a wood-working hobby she developed; whenever she worked with wood, she never wore a mask). So I won’t harp on the harmful effects smoking can have.
I want to encourage you, though, to keep seeking after those breakthroughs. You can do it, one cigarette at a time…
March 11th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
[...] the last article in our series of “Women Who Run With The Wolves” reflections, I suggested we continue [...]
April 9th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
oh my did this one resonate with me! “his beard isn’t THAT blue!” how many times have i said, “it’s not that bad. he only yelled at me that one time. he only pushed me, he didn’t actually hit me,” or “i only smoke one or two cigarettes a day. i don’t drink THAT often.” or all those times when i allow myself to mentally beat myself down. why don’t i stick up for myself more?
if a friend came to me with some of the stories i could tell, i would be up in arms that she leave the guy, take better care of herself. i only just recently realized i wasn’t being a very good of a friend to myself.
i was a little embarassed while reading this chapter to realize all these years i’d seen bluebeard as a morality play. “well, if she’d jsut been a good girl and hadn’t used the key she would’ve had a nice life.” *eyeroll* how niave, right?
dr. estes also said something about “holding on when we would better hold out” (not an exact quote, but close, I think). oh yes…i have so much work to do in this area…