posted by KWiz on "Women Who Run With The Wolves", Health and Wellness, Personal Development, Relationships, Spiritual Growth

The Quest for the Wild Woman

As we continue our discussion and reflection of Women Who Run With The Wolves, Dr. Estes begins Chapter 2 entitled “Stalking the Intruder: The Beginning Initiation” by saying,

“In a single human being there are many other beings, all with their own values, motives, and devices.”

These different aspects of who we are, such as “being” insightful, playful, intuitive, inquiring, strong, loyal, adaptive, brave, loving, passionate, can all be hindered by an opposing force – the predator. This predator

“severs the woman from her intuitive nature…leav[ing] the woman deadened in feeling, feeling frail to advance her life; her ideas and dreams lay at her feet…”

To explain the concept of “the predator,” she elicits the story of Bluebeard, which, if you don’t have the book and would like to follow along, can be read here. In her analysis of Bluebeard, she enlightens us, stating that Bluebeard is “…filled with hatred and desires to kill the lights of the psyche.” She further states that this predator is a natural part of who we are, “a derisive and murderous antagonist that is born into us,” but in order for a woman to recapture and retain who she is as “Wild Woman,” we must know and restrain this predator using her intuition. We must, “recognize it…protect ourselves from its devastations…and ultimately…deprive it of its murderous energy.”

Dr. Estes writes that this is a lesson/story that applies not just to the naive woman (represented by the younger sister in Bluebeard) whose intuition is not yet developed, but it also applies to “the older woman who has not yet completely learned to recognize the innate predator.” Whether young or more mature, women need to be taught how to recognize the predator.

Why might it be difficult to recognize the predator for the one who is naive, whether young or older? Basically, according to Dr. Estes, she hasn’t been taught. There was no training during that woman’s youth of the intuitive side of her nature. Her intuition was stifled by not learning to see that which may be harmful. In which case, she is open prey to the predator.

Interestingly, this plays out, often, in a woman’s choice of men, Dr. Estes says. If a woman chooses men who are harmful to her (whether emotionally, physically, or both) over and over again, one can observe that the woman may feel that “if she just holds on…a little longer,…the [feeling of paradise] she seeks will appear in the next heartbeat.” Interestingly enough, her intuition has already sent out “red flags” to let her know that she should not proceed with the relationship. But because she holds out hope, she ignores those big red flags and bright flashing lights that say, “NO! STOP! GO BACK! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!”

Here is another example, that of a woman addicted to drugs:

“…a woman involved in a chemical addiction…has at the back of her mind a set of older sisters who are saying, ‘No! No way! This is bad for the mind and bad for the body. We refuse to continue.’ But the desire to find Paradise draws the woman into the marriage to Bluebeard, the drug dealer of psychic highs.”

Dr. Estes continues by saying,

“Whatever dilemma a woman finds herself in, the voices of the older sisters in her psyche continue to urge her to consciousness and to be wise in her choices. They represent those voices in the back of the mind that whisper the truths that a woman may wish to avoid for they end her fantasy of Paradise Found.”

So how do we, as women, find our way out? How do we recognize and restrain that predator that “mindlessly degrades and destroys a woman’s potential”? The key to transformation is to ask the right questions. As my husband says,

“The better the question, the deeper the understanding.”

But we must recognize that while it may be painful to unlock that door that those questions lead to, we must be willing to push past the pain. We must not be afraid to encounter the pain. We must not be fearful of discovering the worst of what we’ve experienced to encounter the best of who God made us to be. If we don’t do this work, if we do not “look into these issues of [our] own deadness and murder, [we] remain obedient to the dictates of the predator.”

Personally, I can so relate to this chapter. Not by any fault of my parents’, I was not taught what some might feel are the basics of being a woman. In other words, my father didn’t teach me what boys were like, nor did he teach me what to look for in men. He didn’t really even talk to me about them at all. All my mom said all throughout my teenage years is, “Just don’t come home pregnant.” And my parents surely didn’t model what a marriage relationship was supposed to be. But like I said, I don’t blame them for that because they didn’t know. Books about relationships and marriage were not popular with their generation, so they didn’t acquire the knowledge we have at our fingertips today.

So I identify with “the older woman who has not yet completely learned to recognize the innate predator.” This woman, “…has begun the process [of discovery] over and over again but, lacking guidance and support, has not yet finished with it…[yet] are at last readying for a final and decisive battle with it.” Nevertheless, I am ready. Over the past few years, with the support of my husband, I have really been forced to unlock those doors. I have had to take a look back at harmful relationships that I placed myself in while big red flags were waving and bright red lights were flashing inside. I have had to examine how the pain I endured as a result of those relationships seeped into my marriage. I have had to admit that I made some really stupid mistakes because of my ignorance. It sounds kind of stupid, but it’s my reality. But if I don’t take a close look and open myself up for God to do “open heart surgery” within my soul, I will never become what God created me to be.

I mentioned earlier that the right questions need to be asked in order to begin to reclaim who we are, to recognize the predator in our souls. In our next discussion, I’d like to continue with Chapter 2 and explore what those questions are. So stay tuned…

In the meantime, if you’d like, share your experiences with “the predator.”