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I Like Myself!
By KWiz | February 20, 2007
This past Sunday morning as my daughter was finishing breakfast, she said, “I gotta go to the potty.” Success! She asked to go to the potty! I would so love to say that this is a regular occurrence. It’s not quite regular; nevertheless, the request is becoming more common. We’re making progress!
Yet, it’s not that she asked to go to the potty that I was so excited about (although I do make it a big deal to let her know that she did a good thing and she’s a big girl for doing so). It was what she said while she was sitting there on the pot. For no reason, she said,
“I LIKE MYSELF!”
As a Black woman, I thought it wonderful that my daughter said, “I like myself,” since many of our Black girls do not view themselves in a positive light. Kiri Davis, producer of Reel Works Teen Filmmaking, chronicled the attitudes of several young Black girls in her short film documentary entitled “A Girl Like Me.” Part of the film included a segment in which two dolls - one White and one Black - were presented before 21 Black girls and boys (it seemed the sample was mostly girls). When asked individually which doll each preferred, Ms. Davis recounts at the end of the segment that 15 out of the 21 Black children polled preferred the White doll over the Black doll. Generally speaking, the Black doll represented that which was undesirable, ugly, bad. It was heartbreaking for me to watch.
Nevertheless, this film is an incredibly important work for a number of reasons. As a mother, it is necessary for my daughter to know that skin color is not what makes a person good or bad. It is important for her to know that hair texture is not the measure of beauty. It is crucial for her to know that her identity is not tied up in her body type. As Darryl Owens of the Orlando Sentinel stated in his Jan. 27, 2007 column, “Black Children’s Self-Esteem Still Needs Some Work,”
“It is about helping black children — like the girl in Davis’ film, who hesitated before painfully picking the black doll as the one she resembled — feel good in their skin.”
Right now, my daughter feels good in her “skin.” I want her to always feel that way. And so my husband and I affirm her everyday. When I style her hair, I always tell her how gorgeous her hair is. When we look in the mirror, I tell her how beautiful her brown skin is. When I’m changing her out of those ridiculous pull-ups (which I pray we can get rid of by her birthday in May), I tell her what wonderful thighs she has (they are thick like mine, yet until I was a second-semester college freshman, I thought they were fat). And, of course, we tell her just overall what a superstar she is. Because if I ever decide I want to present that same “test” to her, I want her to make the “right” choice.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re Black or White or whatever color skin you have, please take a look at Ms. Davis’ award-winning film short. It’s only seven minutes long, and will be well worth your time, even if you’ve seen it before. As Ms. Davis says about making this film,
“I learned that giving the girls an opportunity to talk about these issues and their experiences helped us all to look deeper and examine the many things in society that affect us and shape who we are.”
Let us all get a little better educated about what affects and shapes us. Then let’s help to instill positive images into our children’s souls, no matter what color skin surrounds it.
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Topics: Parenting, Personal Development, Race "Matters" |
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February 20th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I saw that film a few weeks back. I’m not black, but I agree; utterly heartbreaking. I like to wish things would get better quickly, but it’s not going all that fast.
And good luck on the potty training! I can hardly wait for my son to be willing to use the potty.
February 20th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Thank you Stephanie for visiting me…and you’re right, change is slow. But I have to believe that we are moving forward.
Much success with the potty training for you…I’ve heard it’s harder for boys, but the best advice I’ve received, I think, is to not be so hard on yourself or your child. It’s easy right now to follow that advice. I just hope I don’t have to follow it for too long!
February 20th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
KWiz…thank you for bringing my attention to that film. It so breaks my heart that such young children simply associate good=white and bad=black. As a mother, to watch the young women speaking, and to hear what they say about ‘ideal’ beauty not being associated with their own heritage and their own race is a real heartbreaker. As mothers, we all want our children to like themselves–an uphill battle in some respects, particularly when society’s idealized elements of beauty just don’t seem to be changing…and so very frustrating.
Thank you also for mentioning my blog in your “Five Favorites for Friday”
February 21st, 2007 at 4:52 am
Came over here from bloglog, very nice and informative blog, glad I came by for the visit.
February 21st, 2007 at 8:52 am
Thanks Floyd for stopping by! I’m glad you liked the blog and found it informative…I hope you’ll come by again!
February 21st, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Kwiz, I heard about this study and it must indicate the the tremendous challenge we face in lifting the self esteme of our people. This whole notion of skin color has reared it’s ugly head again. What happened to black is beautiful? Your child is lucky to have you and your husband, to build her self worth. Many black people have deep rooted self hate and are unable to teach their children how to love themself.Keep hope alive
February 21st, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Thanks James, for visiting, and thank you for your comment. I must say, when I was growing up, my parents did not instill a sense of worth in me. Not because they didn’t love me or didn’t care; they just didn’t know how. So I really didn’t like myself all that well. And that self-hate thing - people who hate themselves throw that hate on others, and I experienced that too. So I was often called an “oreo” when I was in grade school, which really hurt.
My husband and I are unwilling for our daughter to go through it. She is absolutely beautiful in every way, and she will know it. And hopefully, her relationships with others and the decisions she makes will be informed by a good sense of self-worth.
February 25th, 2007 at 4:38 am
What a profound thing for your little girl to say. I hope she will always feel that way.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Hi Jackal,
I hope she will always feel that way too. We are certainly trying to instill in her a good sense of self-worth. In fact, yesterday, she said, “look at my pretty brown skin!” We really do almost drill these ideas into her everyday, in a healthy way (I think).
March 23rd, 2007 at 3:43 pm
I have seen that documentary and it broke my heart. My children and my niece hail from two cultures. Mine White American and Indian and my niece White American and African American. We consciously incorporate all aspects of both cultures in our lives. We are all of the same race, HUMAN but culturally there are differences. We must get past the surface differences and dig deeper into what is elementary to us all.
March 23rd, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Hi Danielle,
You’re right - we need to look at what binds us together. Unfortunately, it seems that people are afraid to do that - some want to maintain the status quo because they’re afraid they’re going to lose something. Nevertheless, it’s great that the conversation is going on and that more people seem to be receptive to it.