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Creation Out Of Chaos
By KWiz | January 7, 2007
We all begin as a bundle of bones lost somewhere in a desert, a dismantled skeleton that lies under the sand.
It is our work to recover the parts.
–Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.
from Women Who Run With the Wolves
It is so fascinating to watch my daughter sometimes (well, most of the time). When she wakes up, she is beaming happy (even in her grogginess) to see her Mommy and Daddy. She greets people she loves with the utmost joy, sometimes screaming to show her delight in them. She is not afraid to show her vulnerability. Without inhibition she asks for our help, sometimes not needing the help at all. She exhibits complete trust in us as her parents, knowing we will always care for her. She is completely free, completely open, completely welcoming.
When did those feelings leave us? When did we stop loving and trusting freely? When did we begin guarding ourselves, protecting ourselves, shielding ourselves? When did we stop letting others in?
How about that first time someone you really liked rejected you? How about that first time someone abandoned you? What about when someone made you feel inferior? Were you betrayed? Were you raped? Were you falsely accused? Did you lose a loved one? Did you lose a job or two? Were you bullied in school? Stood up at the altar? Emotionally abused?
These experiences, and many more, can easily cause loss in a woman’s soul, causing her to build a fortress around herself so no one can hurt her. In fact, I did this for many years. As a result, I felt empty and restless because I had room for others, but felt I had to protect myself from any potential pain that could arise from letting anyone in. My soul became even more chaotic as I tried to understand a love God so graciously brought into my life - my husband. In a small way, it was like the way it was ”…when God created the heavens and the earth…” (Genesis 1:1). Here is the entire verse (from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible):
“In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep…”
If you’re familiar with scripture, I want you to remove your traditional biblical interpretive lens (Who does she think she is? you might ask. I studied this material for three years in seminary, have taught it for the past seven years on an academic level, and taught Bible studies for a few years prior to my seminary days). The text states “the earth was a formless void” with “darkness cover[ing] the face of the deep.” The Hebrew words for these phrases actually indicate the earth existed prior to God’s creating it, but the earth was messy and lacking normalcy. Why am I focusing on this? Because I can relate to mess. I can relate to normlessness. In fact, I had become, as Dr. Estes puts it, “a bundle of bones lost somewhere in a desert, a dismantled skeleton that lies under the sand.” What about you?
The good news is this: God didn’t leave the mess. He created! Each day, He made it all normal and “good.” Indeed, on the sixth day, God looked at the chaotic mess out of which He had created and labeled it “very good.” As such, I believe God can create the new and beautiful in my discombobulated soul and make it very good. And as He does, I reclaim that discerning, passionate, bold, compassionate, loving, wise woman God destined me to be. But how can I go about this rehabilitation? How do I gather all the bones together? Dr. Estes recommends asking the following questions:
What has happened to my soul-voice? What are the buried bones of my life? In what condition is my relationship to the instinctual Self? When was the last time I ran free? How do I make life come alive again?
As I ask myself these questions, I will pray and read Scripture and other books, while asking God to whisper into my scattered-about bones. Others may choose to write, draw, paint, meditate, dance, chant, act, or participate in other creative activities as they ask these questions. No matter what, know that,
“Within us is the potential to be fleshed out again as the creature we once were. Within us are the bones to change ourselves and our world…”
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.
from Women Who Run With the Wolves
(And if you haven’t yet purchased this book, you’re missing out. You can get a detailed description, obtain reviews, or purchase it by clicking on the image below.)
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Topics: "Women Who Run With The Wolves", Personal Development, Spiritual Growth |
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