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Can A Christian Grow Spiritually Without The Church?
By KWiz | January 3, 2007
I remember when I first became a Christian. It was January 1994. I had recently graduated with my MBA and was working for a major surgical products company. But I had also just ended a very tumultuous 2-year relationship which produced mostly pain. It was obvious I needed to turn the steering wheel in a different direction - the most obvious way was to go to church.
I shared with a former classmate my perceived need for God based on the awful things that had happened in my life. She responded by saying, “Girl, go to B. Church, they’ve got some fine men there!” After spending two years in a disaster zone ridden with landmines that I felt my ex had set for me, I wasn’t interested in establishing any ties that could potentially blow me up again. I needed to flush the poison that took over my soul, and I felt the church would do it, binding up the open wounds exposing my broken heart. Though my desire was not to meet another man right then, I went to B. Church that next Sunday morning, and after the pastor preached a message I felt was meant for me, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and joined the church.
I became gung-ho for the church. I met a group of young people (mid-20s - mid-30s) who were “excited about Jesus” and became attached to them. One young man could quote scripture at the drop of a hat. I said to myself (and to him), “How do you know all that scripture? I wish I could do that.” I set out to learn everything I could about the Bible, about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. I went to Bible study each week in addition to attending Sunday services, eventually attending church several times each week. I woke up early in the morning to pray, worship, and study the scriptures. I felt like I was attaining a level spiritually with which God would be pleased. And why wouldn’t He be pleased? I had faith in Him! (at least I thought I did.)
Really and honestly, one of the things I’ve always loved about church is worship. To really meditate on what God had done for me over the years (especially when I didn’t know He was doing something, which was most of the time) and to thank Him and praise Him was a particularly joyful response for me. And B. Church was great in leading the congregation in worship. I loved worship (and still do). It was easy for me to do, whether in church or at home. I was reaching into one dimension, phrased by Martin Luther King, Jr., as “the Height of Life.” I was pursuing God.
Yet, I was still broken, hurt, and angry - and knew it not. For six years, as I attended church, taught Bible study, became a student minister, went to seminary, I hadn’t really faced the anger, bitterness, and resentment which took hold of my soul resulting from much rejection and betrayal in past relationships. I didn’t have to face any of it - I was hiding behind the church.
This leads to a primary issue I have with the church these days. It seems some churches are so busy trying to establish and implement effective marketing strategies and institute profitable fund raising programs to build bigger buildings at the expense of helping people face their fears, turn around, and truly meet God so that they might truly heal. Nevertheless, in my heart of hearts, I believed I was healed of any “leftover” bitterness and resentment which wasn’t affected by my worship.
After six years of doing church, the pain wreaking from my soul began to surface and seep into the relationship I was developing with a man I had met at Border’s Books one evening (he became my husband after a year). My husband tried to make me more than aware of it and help me heal from it (he has an incredible discerning spirit), but I denied my pain, and there began a spiral that has only recently begun to stop. But to be honest, it was not the church that helped me. I had to dig deep within myself, seek the experience of others through books, pray hard, and hope that I wouldn’t do irreparable damage to my marriage. I did this work at home, in my bedroom, in my bathroom, in our living room, and in our car, not through and with the church. In fact, we haven’t been to church in a number of years. Some Christians would probably call us “backsliders!” We’ve fallen away from the church! Sinners!
But I submit that the church has a wonderful opportunity these days to be God’s agents who would help “heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). If you have not found that place yet (or choose not to) that appears to be an agent of healing, find someone with whom you can confide and cry, read, and pray. My husband has been my champion. He has prayed for and with me, talked with me, cried with me, laughed with me - all through my painful process of personal development and spiritual growth. The poison is being flushed. My heart is healing. It has been a difficult process, but one that I know will lead to restoration and wholeness.
Do you have bitterness, anger, and resentment built up in your soul? Don’t let it eat you away. Seek help. I did. It is the some of the hardest, but some of the most life-giving work you’ll ever do.
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Topics: Health and Wellness, Personal Development, Spiritual Growth |
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January 14th, 2007 at 2:43 am
See the Christ within you. Namaste.
Thank you once again for sharing on such a personal note your spiritual experience.
Here’s the deal as I see it. The entire universe is made up of the elements as ourselves, their are universal laws within nature and identifiable patterns of animal behavior. The rhythm of our heart is the rhythm of the earth’s rotation. God, the creator, is within us. One of the elementary functions of religion is social control through the establishment of taboos, rituals designed to build community and in religions utilizing hierarchal control there is a separation between te communal experience and the individual experience. I have connected with the creators on the individual level, I have never been a member of any religious organization and I have connected with god, a supreme power outside of myself and within myself, I have read the bible front to back, the Ramayana, the tao de ching, have studied ancient religions, have embraced the ideas from Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Pagan paths, Wicca, tao, and remain open and ready for all spiritual offerings.
Only the warmest of wishes your way today.
Danielle a.k.a. taureandevi.blogspot.com
January 14th, 2007 at 3:04 am
Hi Danielle,
I like your observations about “religion.” In fact, religion as an institution is not helpful sometimes in one’s path to God. My husband and I prefer to talk about it as “relationship,” that is, being in relationship with Jesus Christ. In understanding His teachings, His ways, His sacrifice (in particular), and accepting that sacrifice, we are able to go beyond the traditional ritual and to truly seek Him. It is a liberating, healing, and eye-opening way to see God, in my opinion.
Something a lot of Christians get bogged down about is their inability to see wisdom in places outside the church and the Bible. It is so good to see what other traditions have to say. God speaks in all sorts of ways!
I pray God’s love, joy, and peace surround and overtake you and your family.
January 14th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Hi kwiz, i got to your blog from yahoo answers with your referral. i was the one who asked about feeling guilty needing to go off worship ministry for my review classes for my nurses licensure exam. i just wanted to say that you were right. there are some elements about the way the music ministry in the church and the church itself reacted that made me feel guilty. i have to tell you that you are right, the church had been toxic, being in the ministry since i was 6 years old. like you, i had come from a failed relationship, it was a 2years relationship also. i was dumped. he is our drummer in the worship team. when he came back to church after leaving for a year when he broke up with me, i was panicking. and i was down and lo with insecurities. when he left the church because he was the lead musician, i took over his place as the lead musician, making the chords for other musicians, typing the song sheets for the singers and arranging the worship line-up. i felt drained. nobody saw my pain that somebody left me. they only saw that i needed to do my job. one time i remember getting sick so sick i couldn’t go to church, one back-up singer called home just to ask me why didnt i leave them song sheets and chord sheets for that particular sunday’s line up. and there i was barely breathing murmuring on the phone song lyrics and chords. i decided to leave then, told the pastor i need time to rest. for three months i was attending another church. i got sick and nearly died, it was a testimony that brought me back to church again in the worship ministry. when i asked to leave this time again to review for my nurses licensure exam, they didnt seem to care “as a friend”. They cared about who will take over my place and what will happen to the ministry without the lead musician, but yesterday (my farewell day to them), i was dying that somebody from my worship team would approach me and say, “we will not be seeing each other for a long time, we’ll be missing you”. i guess my soul cries out for the people who would treat me that I am more important than what i can do……….
Nobody knew that last week my ex and I got back together, and he dumped me again after 12 hours………. i am afraid for myself…. i dont know how to cope anymore……… ive been trying to do everything to perform my duty to my family, at church, in the worship ministry, at school, at the hospital……….. but why is it that when i try to do things for myself……. nobody cares to ask what’s wrong…..? they only wonder…. who will take my place…….
my soul cries out for people who would treat me that I am more important than what i can do…..
a church member who wouldn’t ask me if i could train him/her for keys…. but a church member who would ask if im okay……
you have discovered reality………. less and less churches care about their own members……… when you become a member…… you become part of what the church does which is reach to those who do not know Jesus yet……. they are the only one’s considered to be broken………
what would it take for church leaders to realize that their own people could also be broken and they are just as important as the congregation and the unbelievers who don’t know Jesus………
Kwiz……. i am what you’re talking about….. my soul is filled with anger, resentment, guilt, insecurities, and all these sorts of poison……… i am scared if ill ever be fine….. reviewing for my nurses licensure exam meant….. i need to go to another church with an evening worship service…… i dont know if there will be a “FRIEND” there…………. but God is my friend…..
In the end, God is all we have………
I am happy about how you have conquered the things i am struggling with right now………. Gives me hope that I can carry through this………..
Thank you……….
January 14th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Hello,
Darling, have hope - you will absolutely be fine. Hopefully, you’ve removed yourself from the toxic situations completely, including your boyfriend. I know it’s painful, but you’ll get through it.
There are a couple of resources I want you to begin using.
First, please take a look at my husband’s blog entitled, “When Least Expected™. It is a site dedicated to providing “Inspiration To Brighten Dark Days And Lonely Nights When All Seems Lost.” My husband has been through a lot in his life, and God has showed him how to overcome what he calls “sunny-side-down days.” He has 12 days of entries right now. Take a look at http://www.whenleastexpected.com
I guarantee you will be inspired and receive encouragement and hope as you read each entry.
Also, I’d like you to try to get a copy of a book entitled Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. While she doesn’t come from a Christian viewpoint, she provides a great deal of wisdom about women’s inner lives and becoming all that God created us to be. Don’t get put off by the fact that she isn’t claiming the Holy Spirit as her source. God can use anything and anybody to get you what you need.
Please be encouraged. Keep praying. Remove yourself from toxic influences, no matter how much it hurts. God is able to bring you through. But you’ve got to be intentional about removing yourself from your church (if only for awhile, or permanently for that matter), and your boyfriend (who is incredibly toxic himself). God’s got His best for you. It’s now time for you to see yourself as God sees you and move forward. I will be praying for you.
August 5th, 2007 at 1:46 am
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