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So Sick Of New Year’s Resolutions, But…
By KWiz | January 1, 2007
Every year, we resolve to do better in the new year. We resolve to lose weight and get in shape, make more money, get a better job, quit smoking, quit drinking, get more organized, get a dog… How often do we actually meet these resolutions? I will say I am committed to losing my 15 pounds by the end of March. I love my job. I don’t smoke, and I may only drink a few wine coolers each week, so I’m okay there. I’ve also already had a dog…been there, done that.
One thing that has always been difficult for me, though, is making resolutions involving serious inner work which will make a positive impact on my spirit and my soul, thereby making a positive impact on my relationships, particularly my marriage. In spite of this difficulty, however, I made a few strides and a little progress this year in the way I communicate with my husband (my husband acknowledged that for me this evening - Dec. 31st). His words were encouraging to me - I smiled on the inside.
I want to continue this work in the coming year, and I invite you to do the same. I found a book in our vast home library the other day entitled Women Who Run with the Wolves
“Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society’s attempt to ‘civilize’ us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped…
…In Women Who Run With The Wolves, Dr. Estes has created a new lexicon for describing the female psyche. Fertile and life-giving, it is a psychology of women in the truest sense, a knowing of the soul.”
I was immediately drawn to the chapter titled “The Skeleton Woman.” I don’t want to talk at length about the chapter (at least not at this moment), but I experienced so many “aha’s” it was incredible (I view these “aha’s” as God’s Wisdom shining on me). I finally understood some of why I’ve experienced so many valleys in my relationship (and many of us do, don’t we?). But really, it’s not your traditional relationship theory (expert or otherwise). Sure, communication issues, financial struggles, and intimacy concerns contribute to bumps in the relationship road, but there is more to it than that. Basically, Dr. Estes talks about relationships going through a life cycle, and that cycle is normal. Here is what she says about those cycles:
“…if one wishes to be fed for life, one must face and develop a relationship with the Life/Death/Life nature. When we have that, we are no longer bumbling along fishing for fantasies, but are made wise about the necessary deaths and startling births that create true relationship…It is Skeleton Woman (Lady Death) who demonstrates that a shared living together through all increase and decrease, through all endings and beginnings, is what creates an unparalleled love of devotion.”
She then identifies and explains “a series of seven tasks that teach one soul to love another deeply and well.” Here is where my New Year’s Resolution comes in.
My New Year’s Resolution is to deal with my Skeleton Woman, to rid myself of the fear of living according to the cycles of my marriage relationship, to trust that whatever will be will be transformative. By embracing Skeleton Woman, I will be transformed. I will begin to love deeply and well, this time, for real.
More on this to come…I hope you will choose to participate in the conversation.
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Topics: Personal Development, Relationships, Spiritual Growth |
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January 15th, 2007 at 8:40 am
[...] K-Wiz presents So Sick Of New Year’s Resolutions, But… posted at WOMEN WALKING IN WISDOM’S FOOTSTEPS™, saying, “We all make some type of New Year’s resolution to lose weight or get in shape. Those resolutions are absolutely valid and important (and so prone to be broken!). But what type of resolutions do we make for our emotional and relational well-being? This post addresses the need for me to examine how my inner life has affected my marriage relationship and my intent to do something different.” [...]
January 29th, 2007 at 12:15 am
[...] but have never been compelled to pick up. This night, though, the book called out to me. I wrote a post about my experience of being “drawn” to the book as I read the following narrative from [...]